The last time I blogged, I promised that I will write more often and come up with some new projects. Life apparently had some other plans for me. So, I broke up with him after two and a half years of roller-coaster ride together. We hit the new highs and the new lows. But somethings happened and I realized that I didn’t want to continue being this way. It was very difficult last few months. Now I feel very different. The strangest thing is I am so apathetic. I am still trying to register what I learnt from this. However, it is quite difficult. I will need to contemplate what I really feel about it. But two years is a long time and we have always been such good friends. It’s gonna be difficult to adjust to things without each other. Even though I have had a lot of practice of being on my own when it comes to a lot of things for the past couple of months. I feel like it is difficult to lose the feeling of love for someone that you have loved for so long. Do you really lose it? Or does it just gets transformed into something bitter or nonchalant? I don’t really know because right now I can’t feel anything. I feel love for this guy I met quite recently but it’s on and off. I am so scared and skeptical with the idea of devoting myself fully to another human being and being vulnerable. I realize that something inside me is broken. Trust, belief, hope, I can’t really point out what it is. But when I look at my road ahead, there is no one walking with me anymore. I am all alone.
This, however, has made me very determined to take care of myself. I have been more focused on what I want from my life now. I am quite sure that the next one year of my life will not be a waste. I cannot afford to lose more time on dilly dallying about emotional shits. I want to work on my stuffs. I got into a new online course at my university. I am applying for a work visa and if it works out, I will need to find a job that I love and kill myself with it. So, you might ask me why I chose this. The easiest thing to do would be to just stay in the relationship and get used to the chaos, out of convenience. But all my life, the quest has been to avoid exactly this chaos, this mediocre mundane existential cycle, this monotonous boredom, this hatred and dislike in eyes of each other. I just don’t want to get used to that.
So, the process of living right now has been to keep my mind off the bad thoughts as much as possible. I’ve become much calmer than ever before and I know where I am heading. This feels really good. I have a good feeling about myself.
Anyways, on another note, it’s my favourite poet Charles Bukowski’s birthday today. So, here’s his poem called ‘the crunch’ narrated by the man himself. Happy Birthday badass wordsmith! 🙂
A friend of mine sent me this link.
Why you will marry the wrong person?
I realized that if there is one person that I would fight for and want to be together with for the rest of my life, it’s him.
Snow came to Tromsø finally! It was so stormy last night but this morning I woke up to this.
We are still at the cabin. Still no electricity. We figured out that for some reason, the radiator works. So, it’s not cold anymore.
View from my window this afternoon was lovely when the weather turned grey and the mountains disappeared.
We spent time playing magic the gathering.
No electricity : Day 2
Holding on just fine. It’s a bit cold and we are running out of wood but we are doing okay. Thank God! there is a fire oven which we can use to cook food as well.
Today has been EPIC. We had a fun time buying booster pack of Magic the gathering at Bruktbokhandel. It’s a geek heaven and the coolest store in Tromsø.We fixed our deck. And then we had a fun trust game. We took turns closing our eyes and walking the road completely relying on the one another each turn. He managed perfectly. I was a bit frightened. I opened my eyes a couple of times. Lol!
He gave me a birthday treat at our favourite hangout Aunegården. It’s a fabulous place in Tromsø. We played Magic for many hours. I realized that gaming dates are much more fun than regular dates. 😊
Last night we had a midnight pancake party. It was a lot of fun. We played Magic the gathering. Little sis loved it. Even though she’s just 11, she is way clever for her age. And the deck we bought for her was so good. So, she crushed me with his help.
We climbed a mountain and watched the view from the top in the afternoon. I am extremely blessed to celebrate my birthday with lovely people.
We came back from the cabin. Living for three days with little sis was amazing.
The bus we took back home waited for 38 minutes at Skulsfjord. I got off from the bus while he and little sister stayed in playing games on their phones. I was just strolling by the sea when I met three very cute Norwegian kids. They just came and asked: ‘Hva heter du?’ (what is your name?) I speak negligible Norwegian but I managed to answer their questions. I had a nice time chatting with them. The view was breathtaking. I said goodbye to them after a while.
This year’s birthday was also very special.
P.S. One year ago, this day, I had my spiritual awakening. So, cheers for the memory of that day!
He made this beautiful fruit bowl for breakfast. How can I not love this guy? I have been quite stressed since a couple of days because of my thesis. But this surely cheered me up. 😊
Alt Title: Shits my boyfriend says in his sleep
Sleepy Me: Can I hold around you?
Asleep Him: You Have To Hold Around Me otherwise I will send creatures to attack you.
(He’s been playing a lot of Magic the gathering with his friends lately.😊)
I start laughing. He laughs along with me. 😂😍😘
I love this guy. He bought me my first deck and we played. I got lucky and got cool deck. I love this game.
Yet another beautiful day in Tromsø. Sun, blue sky and a nice view.
It took me many years to understand this.
“I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.”
(Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim”, 1969)
We are spending some beautiful time at the cabin, away from all the hustle and bustle. We are catching up with each other. It’s been quite nice. So, I have not used that much of Internet. It’s a nice rejuvenating time.
The skyscape is beautiful. Sun is playing hide and seek. It’s been raining too. It’s very calm living near the sea.