The last time I blogged, I promised that I will write more often and come up with some new projects. Life apparently had some other plans for me. So, I broke up with him after two and a half years of roller-coaster ride together. We hit the new highs and the new lows. But somethings happened and I realized that I didn’t want to continue being this way. It was very difficult last few months. Now I feel very different. The strangest thing is I am so apathetic. I am still trying to register what I learnt from this. However, it is quite difficult. I will need to contemplate what I really feel about it. But two years is a long time and we have always been such good friends. It’s gonna be difficult to adjust to things without each other. Even though I have had a lot of practice of being on my own when it comes to a lot of things for the past couple of months. I feel like it is difficult to lose the feeling of love for someone that you have loved for so long. Do you really lose it? Or does it just gets transformed into something bitter or nonchalant? I don’t really know because right now I can’t feel anything. I feel love for this guy I met quite recently but it’s on and off. I am so scared and skeptical with the idea of devoting myself fully to another human being and being vulnerable. I realize that something inside me is broken. Trust, belief, hope, I can’t really point out what it is. But when I look at my road ahead, there is no one walking with me anymore. I am all alone.
This, however, has made me very determined to take care of myself. I have been more focused on what I want from my life now. I am quite sure that the next one year of my life will not be a waste. I cannot afford to lose more time on dilly dallying about emotional shits. I want to work on my stuffs. I got into a new online course at my university. I am applying for a work visa and if it works out, I will need to find a job that I love and kill myself with it. So, you might ask me why I chose this. The easiest thing to do would be to just stay in the relationship and get used to the chaos, out of convenience. But all my life, the quest has been to avoid exactly this chaos, this mediocre mundane existential cycle, this monotonous boredom, this hatred and dislike in eyes of each other. I just don’t want to get used to that.
So, the process of living right now has been to keep my mind off the bad thoughts as much as possible. I’ve become much calmer than ever before and I know where I am heading. This feels really good. I have a good feeling about myself.
Anyways, on another note, it’s my favourite poet Charles Bukowski’s birthday today. So, here’s his poem called ‘the crunch’ narrated by the man himself. Happy Birthday badass wordsmith! 🙂
Last week’s rainy days had taken away most of the snow and people were complaining about global warming. But the snow and the winter vibe came back. It snowed so much the last two days that Tromsø turned into a Winter Wonderland one more time. Oh! You won’t believe how happy the skiers are!
University looked lovely with the white veil this afternoon.
I had a nice time keeping him company while he was smoking, at my favorite ‘breather’ space.
We went to Lyfjord after two months. If you have been reading my blog, then you know how much I love this place. It was a delightful break from the stressful studies and work life.
The house where we stay, stands by the sea and is further away from all the other houses in Lyfjord center. The nearest neighboring house is 5 mins walk away. There is a barn, an outside toilet, a boathouse and a storage room along with a two story main house. It’s an old Norwegian house so, there is no running water in the tap. However, the most fun part of living here is to fetch water from the nearby river.
Thankfully, there is an electric stovetop/oven and firewood oven to make food. Heating system works fine in the ground floor rooms. There is also an old TV with national channel NRK that we love to watch. I personally love listening to the old radio in the kitchen. Since there is no bathrooms in the house, we don’t shower when we are there. That’s the typical Norwegian cabin life: outside toilet and no shower. 😉
Nevertheless, I find living in Lyfjord very calming and rejuvenating. On this trip, I realized how much I actually enjoy baking. We baked ginger cookies and bollers.
And the bonus point, of course was the amazing dance by my favorite green lady. The whole sky was lighted up by powerful green aurora.
It snowed so much last night. We were gonna take the bus and it was a hell of a walk to the bus stop through the snow. We are now back to our student housing but I am already missing Lyfjord and the stress free life there.
I am gonna flood this blog with sun pictures from now on. I am pretty sure you will enjoy because the landscape and color of Tromsø with sunlight is something special.
Here are some pictures from this afternoon.
My dad is so nice. I feel blessed because my relationship with him is improving more and more. He sent me this flowers picture on new year’s day.
Isn’t that amazing?
We came back home today. It has been a very rejuvenating time at the cabin despite the power outage.
It was rainy and windy on our way back. Bus stop looked quite beautiful.
But today’s cherry on top (or actually blueberries on top) is this piece of happiness. My new favourite!
Snow came to Tromsø finally! It was so stormy last night but this morning I woke up to this.
We are still at the cabin. Still no electricity. We figured out that for some reason, the radiator works. So, it’s not cold anymore.
View from my window this afternoon was lovely when the weather turned grey and the mountains disappeared.
We spent time playing magic the gathering.
No electricity : Day 2
Holding on just fine. It’s a bit cold and we are running out of wood but we are doing okay. Thank God! there is a fire oven which we can use to cook food as well.
We are in a cabin trip at Lyfjord. There was a short circuit. We realized to our horror that if we hadn’t come here today this place might have burnt down. We turned off the main switch so, there is no electricity.
We light up some candles and made some fire. It’s quite cozy. It’s like we traveled back in time when people actually lived like this in this place. It also reminds me of Nepal when we have loadshedding.
Sometimes my mind wants to be away from all the humdrum and stress of being socially involved. It feels very calm here. I really needed this break.
I realized something funny about myself. I go through existential crisis when I am hungry. When I am hungry, I get cranky, I hate people, and I question meaning of existence.
Food is really important for me. I won’t be surprised if by the last post of project happiness, I figure out that I attain happiness through food. 😂
Well, I am gonna go make some good Thai fish soup. That will be ‘the soup of happiness.’