Tag Archives: LIfe lessons

iihjee: post

Standard

‘The pie was never larger than what it is today; for every piece one takes away, another has to be given back. Pull a flag down in rage, another springs-up in a momentous flutter. Let go of a scar, gently let go, another tears into being, arising delicately; an eye for an eye, a tattoo for a tattoo. How naive could one be… wishing to retain a blank slate’- iihjee

DSC_0206.JPG

There is a guy I follow on instagram. He is a Nepali, who posts thought-provoking reflections and beautiful pictures. I know him but I haven’t really talked to him in real life. When I first saw him in 2013, I knew there was something very different about him. He used to frequent the same café I used to visit. He was noticeable as he always wore slippers, white kurta and a black ‘Bhaad-gaule topi’, a typical Newari cap especially woven in Bhaktapur, Nepal. This café was very popular among the travellers backpacking to Nepal. The seating arrangements were very casual, you could even sit on the stairs or floor if you wanted to. We sat next to each other a couple of times but never talked. I heard his conversations with his friends. From what I gathered, he was so young probably around 17 then, but he was so introspective and had a very altruistic view about life. I liked being a silent listener of those conversations listening to their talks about life, society, politics, art and being young.

Fast forward 2017, he is an activist now who walked across Nepal from the east to west on foot through the Himalayan belt in his slippers. Yes! he walked through Everest base camp in his slippers. About the walk, he wrote: ‘The walk was an individual calling, not an organized effort. There were no fixed plans or routes; no agenda. I kept improvising, leaving myself open to all experiences & possibilities. I could not have done this as one does an errand; the burden would have been too great for a bloke like me who thrives in frivolous spontaneity. Never has dosh or servility lit my soul. Honestly, the stories were primarily a consequence of laziness. Writing an original piece takes great effort, taking notes & translating is a relatively undemanding deed. Adding interpretation would also have brought me into the picture – this I wanted to avoid, I wanted you to experience the journey as a first-person participant (rather than a third-person); the baton of interpretation was passed to you.’

In 2016, he did a similar 37 days walk. Through this walk, he connected with Nepal’s average people, mainly minority groups and families of the minority Madhesi people of the Southern Nepal, who were killed in protests held in the Terai region of Nepal in 2015. The message behind his walk was simple: national unity and peace.

Why I am mentioning him is because we have developed this bond with each other throughout this time on instagram. He wrote comment on a video I made on instagram and we started talking about the organic cafe, and life in general sometimes here and there. He asks for my interpretation or feedback if he makes a video posts and I write to him asking question about life if I am in a dilemma. It’s like Socrates and Plato. Lol! But he is much younger than me yet he is very mature and an inspiring human being. I want to share one of his answers to the question about calm response or retaliation towards anger/hatred directed towards you.

to anon m, with love : The viscous cycle of pain displacement, of paying pain forward, is in my opinion, the root cause of all human suffering. To mend one’s aching heart is difficult, to translate that pain into action is not. We try to save others from what we perceive to be ill; we try to help them find the happiness that could not be ours. Here, I question, how can an action rooted in anguish do any good? Our suffering often leads to actions that lead to more suffering. Be mindful of this, always. Question yourself, at every turn – “Why am I doing this?” I do not ask you to abandon what you are doing, but to merely be aware of what motivates your innermost self.
What makes you angry? Why do you blame yourself? What makes you feel pain? Why do you seek to hurt? Are you angry, or, do you want to be angry? Are you in pain, or, does a part of you want to feel pain? Reflect. Be honest with your self. No one else can help you. String together the answers; understand causes, be aware of their effects. Untangle. String back to when you were in the womb… just that instinct to live on & nothing else, everything laid bare. Stay there for a while….
Be kind, rewind, come back, to this moment. You have all the answers you need, my friend. No one can help you. No one knows you better. Only you can help yourself, only you.

And the funniest thing is every time I am going through something, he makes a post that hits the right nerve. Like the one quoted in the beginning of this post that he posted today.

_20171207_150029.JPG

I have been in a strange frame of mind since a couple of days. No, not because of the polar nights but because of the situation I am in right now. This feeling of being lost doesn’t ever get lost. I still feel overwhelmed by things and even though I am much calmer now, I have begun to wonder about being with someone mainly in love. What is being in love anyways? I feel like Hozier: ‘I fall in love just a little o’ little bit everyday with someone new’. But seriously, I am scared of commitment, about giving my life for someone else, the expectations and then there is existential crisis. How to deal with the situation when I am going through a situation when I am sad because I am sad not because of you? How do I tell them that the pain, the sadness, the frustrations are my own. It has nothing to do with them. I also realized that in the last relationship I had I gave so much love that I do not have that love to give to anyone. I know it sounds strange because of course, I love other people too but not love is different. I feel like the spiritual side of me that loved is empty, hollow. How can I ever manage to fill it with love? And how will I ever manage to give it to someone?

But I am beginning to feel that this period is very important for my existence. I lost love, but I think I am on my path to find myself!

Advertisements

Erased and Empty

Standard

Look what I did today!

Yes. I did the honor of wiping the slate clean, erasing my doodle and making space for something new.

Someone suggested that since nobody was cleaning the board, maybe I should go the Tibetan Mandala monk’s way and erase my drawing myself. I first saw that in the movie Samsara. Here is an interesting article on why the Buddhist monks destroy the Mandala.

How do I feel? Deleting something that I created myself wasn’t easy but I feel Happy, light and free. I like to think that my doodle managed to make people feel different kinds of emotions. Maybe someone got happy, others frustrated, angry or indifferent. But anyways, now, my head is full of creative ideas on what to draw next. I am very excited.

On top of that, I got an early Christmas/late birthday gift from the boy. It was a box of lightsabers aka colorful chalks. So, instead of slashing my enemies, I am going to vent out my angst, frustration, happiness or whatever emotion on the blackboard. I like this renewed form of humanness between me and him. I am truly happy.

Found this really handy guide to making things go away in my visual anthropology book. They make it seem so easy. Trust me, it’s not.

I had a nice session with my counselor. She was very proud of how I have been doing. Falling was interesting. It hurt big time but then I rose again. Learnt an invaluable lesson about balance. Being a libra, I think balance is something I really value in life.

“Feel Good Inc.”

Standard

Here is what makes me happy everyday.

My cats from Neko Atsume. I am happy and honored to tell you guys that I have managed to collect all the rare cats. Now I am just waiting for the mementos.

Here is one of my favorite cats called Kathmandu (in the robe with the colorful ‘temari’ ball). 😊

Look at the ninja cat ‘Whiteshadow’ along with the café owner cat called Sassy Fran.

That’s Guy furry, the chef cat making pizza in the stove I bought with the gold fish.

I got memento from Jeeves, a rare Cat who has a Siamese cat twin called Sapphire that you can see in the next picture.

This is the warrior cat Mr. Meowgi.

That wizard cat is called Hermeowne.

The most regal cats: Ramses in the pyramid tent and Xerxes in the royal robe.

That is how you received the gifts.

And that’s the pirate cat Bengal Jack.

I am proud to say that I manage the yard successfully and make the right purchase. Yes! I am serious about the game. 😊

Dance of ecstasy

Standard

I was going through the instagram page of an amazing artist called theshallowtree which inspired me to doodle this piece on a blackboard in a reading room at the university. When I doodle, I don’t really plan on what I am gonna make, I just kinda let my chalk flow.

Music plays a big role in letting this creativity flow. I have music to accompany and inspire me. I had two tracks on repeat when I made this one: ‘Demention by Hallucinogen‘ and ‘Maelbeek by Dictaphone‘.

The interesting thing about drawing on the blackboard at university is that you know that it’s not gonna last forever, someone might rub the whole thing the next day. It’s sad because you have put so much effort and time to make this but it also means that the slate is wiped clean and you can create something new. And there is so much joy in creating something. I am happy with how this one turned out to be.

Day after day. Everyday!

Standard

“Do you live to exist or exist to live…?” Amrita, Banana Yoshimoto.

After two whole years of snail/sloth reading, I finished the book just now. I just closed the book. My room is quiet, just the sound of me breathing. I feel exhilarated. It was such a simple yet profound book. It’s a special book because I have doodled so much in it. It is also an archives of pictures, drawings and special tidbits I have collected through the two years.

Yoshimoto is one of my favorite writers. Her writings are often melancholic, mysterious and simple. There isn’t much going on in the plot, it’s just the experience of a mundane daily life but still there is so much going on underneath subtly. Or the other way around. I am still in daze.

4am: Sleep doesn’t come. Oh insomnia, my dear friend! What would my life be like without you?

Bus rides during polar nights have their own special charm. Picture from my ride back home from work. 😊

Beautiful, just beautiful, Beautiful!

Standard

Took a break from studying and doodled this.

I was listening to this really pretty song called ‘Space Walk’ by Lemon Jelly while doodling this. I am pretty satisfied with the outcome.

The days feel suffocating at times. Polar nights are gonna be here in six days. I am not scared or worried this year. This year I am going to be alone for the most part of it. I have started to like cold now. Now walking outside in the snow with a thin sweater makes me feel alive. This is a big change for me because I used to hate cold. When I was walking around the uni today, I realized how beautiful these dark blue nights actually are. I have been complaining about the dark nights without ever stopping to realize the beaut they hold. I am happy for this change in my outlook. I am looking forward to polar nights. I will fill this blog with winter pictures soon. Lol! 😊

This is goodbye!

Standard

“I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much. The current’s too strong. They’ve got to let go, drift apart. That’s how it is with us. It’s a shame, Kath, because we’ve loved each other all our lives. But in the end, we can’t stay together forever.

-Kazuo Ishiguro ‘Never let me go’.

Thank you for everything: good and bad, Ø. This is my final goodbye to you. Wish you a good life!

I’m still Alive

Standard

Last night I went to watch a two hour concert movie called ‘Let’s play Two’ at Verdensteatre, the oldest cinema theater in Norway. The movie was about Pearl Jam’s performance at Wrigley’s Stadium in Chicago. It was a really entertaining and exciting experience. I have always been a great fan of PJ and have an immense respect for the frontman Eddie Vedder. He is one of the artists that has aged gracefully.

The concert featured songs from their first album Ten to their latest one called Lightning Bolt. It was an intense journey seeing the life of Chicago boy Vedder supporting the local baseball team ‘Chicago Cubs’.

Tears just welled up my eyes when they performed Alive. I went through a lot of shit right now. No matter how much I deny, it’s been difficult. But I have people that care for me and that is a consolation. I also learnt a big lesson in life recently and that is to never let anyone bring me down. Of course, I have made a lot of mistakes in life and I need to work so much on myself but I will never let anyone convince me how shitty I am because I am not. I am not perfect, I have a lot of flaws and I am just a Human. And this life I have is about learning and relearning.

Here is a food for thought :

I love words

Standard

I guess you have figured out my latest revived obsession for the progressive rock from Ithaca band Ayurveda and song lyrics. I have been listening to this particular song on repeat today and it goes so well with this grey winter vibes of Tromso.
It’s called ‘Clairsentient’ by Ayurveda.

 

Clairsentient – Ayurveda

I can feel you underneath
Or through it all
Don’t know which
But I feel you
Just the same

Terrifying me
And I don’t quite understand
What’s happened to me

I can feel you underneath it all
Or through it all
Don’t know which
But I feel you
Just the same

Terrifying me
And I don’t quite understand
What’s happened to me

Terrifying me
Let this go
And rest in peace

I can feel you
I can feel you…