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Last one

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Song For Zula-Phosphorescent

Some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a fading thing
Just as fickle as a feather in a stream
See, honey, I saw love. You see, it came to me
It put its face up to my face so I could see
Yeah then I saw love disfigure me
Into something I am not recognizing

See, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”
I will not open myself up this way again
Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand
I will not lay like this for days now upon end
You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand
To be acknowledge by some touch from his gnarled hands
You see, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”
I will not open myself up this way again.

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Listen to this

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When I was growing up, I loved the lyrics to the songs. I used to own three diaries where I wrote the song lyrics that I loved. It was a fun activity: listening to a song carefully, writing down the words, rewinding when you couldn’t manage to make out the words and rewrite again. But as I grew older, I started not caring about the lyrics anymore. Or I was too lazy to do it. But the other day, I was studying at the University and was listening to one of my favorite band Ayurveda, I had this strong urge to write down the lyrics. I realized how difficult the process actually was. I couldn’t make out what the vocalist was singing. At one point, I thought I suck at English. However, I managed to write most of it and I got Google’s help to complete what I didn’t manage. So, here it is, the lyrics of Porkchop by Ayurveda. The song resonates my current situation.

Porkchop- Ayurveda

Breathe deep; don’t let the stigma of the action get the best of you
Hold it in until you feel sage advice grabbing hold of you
I don’t know this place
Don’t recognize my face
And it’s weighing on me

Tunneling through the walls, carpeted floors and abstract light,
Toward a separate existence I identify as being right

I don’t know this place

Don’t recognize my face
And it’s weighing on me

I feel sweet release of my tensions
I can perceive in all dimensions…

Pull me out I don’t want to be here anymore!
Pull me out, fear I’ve fallen in too far…

Breathe deep; don’t let the stigma of the action get the best of you
Hold it in until you feel sage advice grabbing hold of you
I don’t know this place
Don’t recognize my face
And it’s weighing on me

Pull me out I don’t want to be here anymore!
Pull me out, fear I’ve fallen in too far…

Salvia, salvia, salvia, salvia…

I don’t know this place, don’t know this place, don’t know this place…
Don’t recognize my face
Pull me out I don’t want to be here anymore!
Pull me out, fear I’ve fallen in too far…
Pull me out of here!
Pull me out of here!
Pull me out of here!
I’ve seen enough for now!

These words

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I have been stumbling upon so many poems by Rupi Kaur. Seems like all my literary/artist friends are reading her book ‘Milk and Honey’ and they have been sharing it on instagram. I wish I had read her before. But I collected some of them on the internet and want to share with you. Her poem probably resonates to most of the women out there but right now, it resonates to me in a whole different level. Her poems speak to me, they tug my heart, they make me contemplate, they make me cry but at the end, they teach me to get up and realize how strong I am as a woman, as a human.

How can someone write so beautifully?

Body on the street

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I have gotten back to studying. After three years, I finally got my study mode activated and it feels so good. I spent almost all day at the University sometimes with a fellow study loving friend and sometimes all by myself. The best thing is I am productive, day feels really fulfilled and the night in the almost empty hallway at the university is really special. Last week I just went to the dark hallway and started dancing. It was one of the best moment of my life. I felt free and happy.

A couple of weeks ago, me and my friend decided to go out drawing on the street in the middle of the night. It was a really interesting experience. We were basically trying to go on a rampage drawing whatever creative craziness that came in our minds. A funny thing happened. I was lying on the road when my friend was outlining me with a colored chalk. Suddenly a car stopped near us and a woman came out screaming at my friend: ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I got up laughing and she just looked at us in disbelief saying: ‘That’s not funny, that’s not funny. I thought you were killed or something.’ Me, my friend and her boyfriend in the car were laughing so hard but she was angry and left mumbling swear words. We apologized but she was super pissed at us (it was weekend and she was drunk). But it just made the whole experience really memorable. So, we just went back to coloring the street. Here is a picture:

And here’s a blurry picture of me with Tromsø bridge in the background and the drawings.

Me and doodle

A few days later, rain came and swept away all the colors but I wasn’t sad because I realized nothing lasts forever. It also gives room for something new: A new chapter in my life perhaps.

If only rain would come and wipe my slate clean…

Obsession

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Two of my latest obsessions are ‘Life, the universe and everything’ by Douglas Adams and ‘Weird Fishes/Arpeggios’ by Radiohead. The former is one of the books from his Hitchhiker’s Guide to Galaxy series and the latter is a song from Radiohead’s ‘In Rainbow’s’ album.

Every sentence in the book is highlightable. Adams is a fabulous writer. So witty, so deep and so out of this world. Like this one I just came across, which prompted me to write this post :

“Just as a slow series of clicks when speeded up will lose the definition of each individual click and gradually take on the quality of a sustained and rising tone, so a series of individual impressions here took on the quality of a sustained emotion – and yet not an emotion. If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not like a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly, again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across an expressway is deadly.

And just as a rising tone will change in character and take on harmonics as it rises, so again, this emotionless emotion seemed to rise to an unbearable if unheard scream and suddenly seemed to be a scream of guilt and failure.

And suddenly it stopped.”

The second obsession the weird fishes/arpeggios is equally beautifully written and composed. The lyrics, Thom Yorke’s haunting voice and the repetitive drum/guitar rhythm pattern makes this song truly intriguing.

“I’d be crazy not to follow.

Follow where you lead

Your eyes

They turn me

Turn me on to phantoms

I follow to the edge of the earth

And fall off

Everybody leaves

If they get the chance

And this is my chance”.

Project Happiness 365: Day 221

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This morning my French flatmate came to the kitchen while I was making breakfast. He seemed very sad and he asked me: ‘How can we be happy when so much of bad things are going around us?’ I understand his sadness. France has been the centre of terror attacks recently. I was in daze myself. I thought for a while and said: ‘Just be grateful with what we have and try to be good to fellow being no matter how difficult it is. I guess!’

I think my answer satisfied him.  He smiled and asked if I wanted to drink coffee with him.

With so much of sad things happening around the world, it’s very hard not to be depressed. But all we can do is ‘keep breathing…’ and count our blessings!