It is so difficult for me to find inspiration, motivation and enthusiasm to write my thesis. I just feel so lame. I question my ability to present my arguments and I find it so futile this attempt to tell this story. I don’t know when I started losing my interest to write my thesis. I have less than one and a half month to finish and deliver the thesis but I find it almost impossible to sit down and work every day. I kinda miss writing Project Happiness 365. It gave me so much happiness and also provided me with feeling of accomplishment.
I was reading a book on writing for scholars and the author makes it pretty clear that writing is a rigorous process that needs time and energy. Without really putting words on paper, one can’t really know where s/he stands with his project.
The struggle is still on though. Meanwhile, there is sun in Tromsø now giving me warmth and hope to get through this test. ☀
It’s like life is continuously testing me. Sometimes I feel like I am a guinea pig going through a lot of experiments. I truly am exasperated. Will this fucking shit ever stop?
It’s so contradictory to my blog title. But still I have to be honest. I can’t just post a fake happy post when I am actually far from being happy.
I am really really angry today. I also realised that some people honestly don’t deserve yourniceness.
No energy to do anything! 😦 I feel like this fortune cookies. Can I just sleep until February?
Polar nights are here it seems. I can already feel the effect. Sleeping all day and no energy in my body. It is very difficult to keep my positive outlook when everything is so dark and gloomy.
But still walks are nice and sun is still there. I can’t complain yet!
Yes! Let me be special! 😊 😂😂😂
What do you do when you sink into depth of negative emotions?
I will be honest with you. What I did today was get annoyed, angry and frustrated? I deleted the WordPress app and decided I am not gonna lie to you guys anymore.
Yes, it almost felt like the day I lost my mother.
But here I am writing this post again. I feel a bit better now. Here’s a picture of Misty mountain to compensate this negativity. 😊
This is what I did today. Inspired by my niece in Italy. It matches my tshirt so, it’s cool!
I did okay with my norsk placement test! Well it was like 80 objective questions. Some I knew, some I guessed using ‘Eenie meenie minee mo’ technique. Lol! 😁
I had dinner with a long lost friend. It was a bitter sweet experience. Hmm I don’t know how I feel about that actually! I want to forgive and forget but it’s difficult. Friendships like this taught me a lot of life lessons on patience, trust and my own strength that I am grateful for.
Lately I have been thinking about my stay in Norway. I submitted my papers for visa renewal but I have received no answer yet. I don’t like this pressure and uncertainty.
I went to a photography exhibition this afternoon. It was titled ‘Uprooted’, a collection of photos on the theme migration by various photographers at Perspektivet Museum at Storgata, Tromsø Sentrum.There is one particular picture of a girl holding a receiver of a phone trying to talk and onlookers observing her action. There was something about the picture that was heartbreakingly sad. I think it’s the grim expression of those people. I had tears in my eyes imagining the situation they might have been in. Leaving their homes, struggle for survival and uncertainty looming around them all the time. Taking pictures of the exhibition was prohibited. So, no pictures! 😔
One of the prime quote of the exhibition by Magnum photographer, Larry Towell (The world from my front porch) brilliantly states the state of this uprootedness: “Land makes people into who they are. Of that I am sure. If they lose it, they forfeit their solvency and a little bit of their Souls, which they will spend the rest of their lives trying to regain.”
Looking at those heartbreaking photographs of humans being forced to leave their homes/land because of numerous reasons, I realized how lucky I actually am. I have a room I can call my home, a soulmate that loves me unconditionally, couple of close friends, opportunity to study, work, dress up, roam around, hop from one cafe to another freely and come home even in the middle of the night safely. And still I dare to be sad and depressed. I can’t believe myself. Uff!
Sun is still here. I am not gonna complain. Just soaking up every bit of the glory! 😊
Back to civilization. Back to dirty, smelly, shared dorm kitchen. But back to our cozy room as well.
Everything we had for pizza got rotten. I didn’t wanted to go to store today but we have nothing for dinner. So, he went to store to get stuffs.
We said goodbye to our friendly cozy abode. But I am already looking forward to getting back there.
Sometimes the road that I am walking seems so blurry and pointless. But what am I gonna do with this spirit I have, to never give up. I have to keep fighting for people I love and for things that really matter to me. Should I just let it go or should I hang on to them?