Category Archives: love

Is it too late to be back?

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The last time I blogged, I promised that I will write more often and come up with some new projects. Life apparently had some other plans for me. So, I broke up with him after two and a half years of roller-coaster ride together. We hit the new highs and the new lows. But somethings happened and I realized that I didn’t want to continue being this way. It was very difficult last few months. Now I feel very different. The strangest thing is I am so apathetic. I am still trying to register what I learnt from this. However, it is quite difficult. I will need to contemplate what I really feel about it. But two years is a long time and we have always been such good friends. It’s gonna be difficult to adjust to things without each other. Even though I have had a lot of practice of being on my own when it comes to a lot of things for the past couple of months. I feel like it is difficult to lose the feeling of love for someone that you have loved for so long. Do you really lose it? Or does it just gets transformed into something bitter or nonchalant? I don’t really know because right now I can’t feel anything. I feel love for this guy I met quite recently but it’s on and off. I am so scared and skeptical with the idea of devoting myself fully to another human being and being vulnerable. I realize that something inside me is broken. Trust, belief, hope, I can’t really point out what it is. But when I look at my road ahead, there is no one walking with me anymore. I am all alone.

This, however, has made me very determined to take care of myself. I have been more focused on what I want from my life now. I am quite sure that the next one year of my life will not be a waste. I cannot afford to lose more time on dilly dallying about emotional shits. I want to work on my stuffs. I got into a new online course at my university. I am applying for a work visa and if it works out, I will need to find a job that I love and kill myself with it. So, you might ask me why I chose this. The easiest thing to do would be to just stay in the relationship and get used to the chaos, out of convenience. But all my life, the quest has been to avoid exactly this chaos, this mediocre mundane existential cycle, this monotonous boredom, this hatred and dislike in eyes of each other. I just don’t want to get used to that.

So, the process of living right now has been to keep my mind off the bad thoughts as much as possible. I’ve become much calmer than ever before and I know where I am heading. This feels really good. I have a good feeling about myself.

Anyways, on another note, it’s my favourite poet Charles Bukowski’s birthday today. So, here’s his poem called ‘the crunch’ narrated by the man himself. Happy Birthday badass wordsmith! 🙂

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Winter back again 

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Last week’s rainy days had taken away most of the snow and people were complaining about global warming.  But the snow and the winter vibe came back. It snowed so much the last two days that Tromsø turned into a Winter Wonderland one more time.  Oh! You won’t believe how happy the skiers are! 

University looked lovely with the white veil this afternoon. 

I had a nice time keeping him company while he was smoking, at my favorite ‘breather’ space.  

Project Happiness 365: Day 365

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It’s The Day today. I complete my 365 days project happiness.  I managed. I wasn’t sure in the beginning but with each passing day and post, I felt more determined. I did it. I failed to post somedays or failed to post a happy post a couple of times but still I posted a post that I felt was honest and real. I couldn’t believe that a lazy procrastinating Queen like me can be determined and post every single day! I feel really good. I also feel very privileged to have met amazing human beings like you guys, my readers, my fellow bloggers, who keep visiting my blog and showing me so much love and affection. My gratitude to you all! 

Today in this final post of Project Happiness 365, I want to share with you my reflections. 

  • Let it go. 

It’s not just Elsa singing on the top of her lungs but LITERALLY! Let it go. All the guilt, pain, heartache, regret, sadness and anxiety, it’s not worth it.  Just let it go. You don’t know how to do it.  Well just think about yourself as the most beautiful creation of nature.  Your mind, your being, your spirit, they are all precious, you know so, all these negative aspects of your life it’s just draining your energy and nothing else. The sooner you realise that all the anxiety, self loathing, guilt and, all other negative things that your torturing yourself with, is not worth your time and energy, the better it is. 

  • Love yourself.  

You might think it’s a stale, mainstream, mediocre formula but it is not. It took me so many wrong decisions and five psychedelic trips to understand that actually there is nothing beyond loving yourself.  Well be shocked and offended with my revelation as much as you like,  it doesn’t matter because the secret to happiness is loving yourself. In the end, it’s all You, always been you and always will be you. I don’t mean this in a self-loathing or obnoxious way but more in terms of self love, care and satisfaction. 
So, take care of yourself and love yourself as much as you can.  By doing so, you are doing this world a favour.  Because it’s not egoistic or narcissistic to love yourself. It only becomes problematic when you start thinking that you are above everyone else because you are not. No matter how good looking you are or no matter how much money you have or how powerful you are,  everything is temporary and the only certain thing is Death. And when you die, non of the things you have acquired in this life matters other than experiences and love.

  • Happiness is inside you. 

This is probably the most cliché thing I am gonna include in my list but I don’t care because this is an important lesson.  If you want to be happy, Be. Noone is stopping you. If you think other person has the power to make you unhappy then you are wrong because let me break your bubble,  it’s you who makes yourself unhappy. 

  • Nothing lasts forever…but nothing is lost. 

It is more than just a mash up title of two songs by my favourite band Sphongle. It’s something that has helped me overcome a lot of my insecurities. The most important lesson I learnt in these 365 days is that nothing lasts forever because the world is changing each passing moment.  Things change, events change, people change and you change as well. You just need to understand and accept that change is inevitable.  But let me tell you that nothing is lost. It is always gonna be there in you. Always as long as you want it to. 😊 

So, what’s next? 
Struggling writer asked me this question : ‘What after 365 days?’ Well, I guess being happy and grateful is an evergoing process. My purpose is to remember these lessons I have learnt and keep on living in the here and now. 
I will keep posting my things that I feel like sharing and are important to me. I would really much like to focus on photography and drawing.  So, this will be a platform to share my works. 

I never saw life with a rose colored glasses before. But now I feel much more positive and determined. It actually is all about how you want to see your life. So, finding a reason for happiness and gratitude each day  isn’t that difficult.  Happiness is everywhere, it’s inside you just had to open your eyes and see. As this song says…happiness is easy! 🙂

Project Happiness 365: Day 362

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It has been an impromptu day for us. We went to bed early so, ended up waking up very early.  Played a game of Magic along with our coffee. It was a cut throat competition.  We had a lot of fun. 

Then, we went for a walk to city centre ‘sentrum‘ and on the way we met one of our housemate. He told us he was going to watch a free movie screening at the local theater. It was a movie about climate change ‘Before the Flood’ starring Leonardo Di Caprico. So, after getting some new sleeves for the magic cards, we decided to go watch the movie. It was a very interesting movie dealing with the issue of global warming, its causes and impact. It also discussed about our roles and responsibilities to address the issue and find solutions to the problem.  However, my favourite part of the movie was the intro where he talks about one of my favourite artists Hieronymous Bosch’s work ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights’. I will however, not spoil how this art piece is related to the movie. This work is so psychedelic, surreal and thought-provoking that you can lose yourself in each frame forever.  

There is a new wish on my bucketlist and that is to see The Garden of Earthly Delights for real. 🙂

Project Happiness 365: Day 352

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Today is for love, love, love! 😍 It’s been a wonderful lovey dovey day! 

I got this glasswork bird as a gift from his grandparents when we went down south this time.  I took this picture last night. Doesn’t it look cool with the reflection of the backdrop? 

Project Happiness 365: Day 351

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We came back home today. It has been a very rejuvenating time at the cabin despite the power outage.

It was rainy and windy on our way back. Bus stop looked quite beautiful. 

But today’s cherry on top (or actually blueberries on top) is this piece of happiness.  My new favourite! 

Project Happiness 365: Day 346

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I find it so ironic that humans need one specific day to be thankful or to express and celebrate love. Shouldn’t we be doing this every single day? Every single day, there’s something to be grateful and happy about. Every single day, we must cherish love.

Coincidentally,  I found this post on Instagram that expresses similar sentiments.