Two of my latest obsessions are ‘Life, the universe and everything’ by Douglas Adams and ‘Weird Fishes/Arpeggios’ by Radiohead. The former is one of the books from his Hitchhiker’s Guide to Galaxy series and the latter is a song from Radiohead’s ‘In Rainbow’s’ album.
Every sentence in the book is highlightable. Adams is a fabulous writer. So witty, so deep and so out of this world. Like this one I just came across, which prompted me to write this post :
“Just as a slow series of clicks when speeded up will lose the definition of each individual click and gradually take on the quality of a sustained and rising tone, so a series of individual impressions here took on the quality of a sustained emotion – and yet not an emotion. If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not like a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly, again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across an expressway is deadly.
And just as a rising tone will change in character and take on harmonics as it rises, so again, this emotionless emotion seemed to rise to an unbearable if unheard scream and suddenly seemed to be a scream of guilt and failure.
And suddenly it stopped.”
The second obsession the weird fishes/arpeggios is equally beautifully written and composed. The lyrics, Thom Yorke’s haunting voice and the repetitive drum/guitar rhythm pattern makes this song truly intriguing.
“I’d be crazy not to follow.
Follow where you lead
They turn me
Turn me on to phantoms
I follow to the edge of the earth
And fall off
If they get the chance
And this is my chance”.
The last time I blogged, I promised that I will write more often and come up with some new projects. Life apparently had some other plans for me. So, I broke up with him after two and a half years of roller-coaster ride together. We hit the new highs and the new lows. But somethings happened and I realized that I didn’t want to continue being this way. It was very difficult last few months. Now I feel very different. The strangest thing is I am so apathetic. I am still trying to register what I learnt from this. However, it is quite difficult. I will need to contemplate what I really feel about it. But two years is a long time and we have always been such good friends. It’s gonna be difficult to adjust to things without each other. Even though I have had a lot of practice of being on my own when it comes to a lot of things for the past couple of months. I feel like it is difficult to lose the feeling of love for someone that you have loved for so long. Do you really lose it? Or does it just gets transformed into something bitter or nonchalant? I don’t really know because right now I can’t feel anything. I feel love for this guy I met quite recently but it’s on and off. I am so scared and skeptical with the idea of devoting myself fully to another human being and being vulnerable. I realize that something inside me is broken. Trust, belief, hope, I can’t really point out what it is. But when I look at my road ahead, there is no one walking with me anymore. I am all alone.
This, however, has made me very determined to take care of myself. I have been more focused on what I want from my life now. I am quite sure that the next one year of my life will not be a waste. I cannot afford to lose more time on dilly dallying about emotional shits. I want to work on my stuffs. I got into a new online course at my university. I am applying for a work visa and if it works out, I will need to find a job that I love and kill myself with it. So, you might ask me why I chose this. The easiest thing to do would be to just stay in the relationship and get used to the chaos, out of convenience. But all my life, the quest has been to avoid exactly this chaos, this mediocre mundane existential cycle, this monotonous boredom, this hatred and dislike in eyes of each other. I just don’t want to get used to that.
So, the process of living right now has been to keep my mind off the bad thoughts as much as possible. I’ve become much calmer than ever before and I know where I am heading. This feels really good. I have a good feeling about myself.
Anyways, on another note, it’s my favourite poet Charles Bukowski’s birthday today. So, here’s his poem called ‘the crunch’ narrated by the man himself. Happy Birthday badass wordsmith! 🙂
He got me this book ‘The book thief’ by Markus Zusak from a library free book giveaway!
You won’t believe how happy I got! I had to leave behind this book half read when I moved to Tromsø two years ago. So, I was literally screaming with joy when I saw this book in the bag.
I can’t wait to start reading it where I left.
I am reading Factotum by Charles Bukowski. He’s my ultimate favourite poet. My life goal is to grow old badass like him.
Look at this. Isn’t this so raw and real?
For today! Very tired and sad!
I am reading Haruki Murakami’s “What I talk about when I talk about running”. I was not intending to read this book because I have been reading too much Murakami. Everytime I go to bookstore, I end up buying his book anyways. It’s like an addiction. 😊
And the thing I was scared of, it eventually happened! I am hooked! I fell in love with his writing all over again. But the good thing is that it gives me an inspiration to write and work. So, all in all it’s not that bad!
We are at the cabin. I am taking a break from work and everything. Specially my thesis. I had a very serious interview with a musician. I finally know where my thesis is headed. And I am happy but I need some time to freshen up and connect to myself. Keeping my crazy monkey mind calm is the goal for now.
I am determined to start reading again. No more unfinished books! Started reading The trial by Franz Kafka. It’s going good. Feels like I am getting my reading spark back. 😊
“O compassion on these suffering conscious beings
Who wander in the life cycle, darkened with delusions,
Not knowing their own minds as the infinite Truth Body –
May all of them attain the Body of Truth!”
Reading “The Tibetan book of the dead”. Slow day at work!!
I don’t wanna complain about my sleep cycle. It’s back to sleeping at 5 am and waking up at 1 pm. I don’t know how to react about it. Well, it’s not all too bad. I’m alone. So, I just listen to music, read a book or just surf the internet. Early this morning it was different. I started reading ‘Man and his symbols’ by Carl G. Jung. I must say Jung is the most misunderstood and underrated psychologist. He bought this book last month but I never managed to read the book. Every time I opened it, I got lost in all the pictures. It is that fascinating.
Last night, however, was different. I was just laying down with the book. I thought I would not get past the first page. But I was wrong. I read the introduction by John Freeman and the first half of the first chapter by Jung.Then, I had to force myself to sleep because it was already 6 in the morning and I had to go to work. The book is that spellbinding.
The book talks about the symbolism as manifested through different mediums especially dreams. It was very interesting for me because I grew up in a society where dreams hold a very special status. Every dream has a meaning. For e.g. when I was growing up, the dream where I was flying or climbing up hill was my favourite because that means something amazingly good is going to happen in my life. I hated the dream where I was walking downhill esp. during or after the exam period that would mean I am gonna fail or at least drop my rank in exam. Seeing snakes in dream meant there is hidden enemy lurking in the darkness ready to attack and you have to be careful. The worst dream one could see is trimming their hair which means that someone close to them is gonna die. So, dreams are usually regarded as the premonitions of some event that is going to happen in life. There are a lot of superstitions related to dreams as well. So, the modern generation is losing interest in interpreting their dreams.
However, reading Jung gave me a whole new perspective to dream interpretation. It was beyond a collective interpretation or superstition. The argument I loved the most is that every dream is unique and can be interpreted only by an entirely individual ‘key’. The book is definitely more than just dream interpretation. And I am looking forward to read the whole book. 🙂
I discovered some old pictures from Kathmandu. This picture in particular made me so happy. That’s the real me. Trying to find the book that I would love to read in a book fair. Almost lost!
It’s good that I still haven’t lost my love for books.